If You Give Luke a Bath

I love Laura Numeroff's "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" series.  Here's my take on tonight's events...



If you give Luke a bath three hours early (because you want to make the evening run extra smoothly), you're going to realize you didn't do laundry and Luke has no clean pajamas. 

You'll start a load, and, meanwhile, you'll take extra time to squeaze him into the clean pajamas from the drawer of outgrown clothes.

(Daddy will come home and wonder what's going on, but that's a different story...)

You'll sit down to dinner, and Luke will decide he wants to feed himself.  He'll get refried beans, sweet potatoes, and taco meat EVERYWHERE.  You'll take off his too-tight pajamas and put on regular play clothes.

Then, while you're doing dishes, Luke will decide he wants to help, and he'll be in charge of the trash.

He'll find the package of recently expired yogurt containers that you tossed in the trash just minutes earlier.  When he finds the yogurt, he'll bite his teeth through the foil of one of the containers, and he'll walk around eating the yogurt.  (Meanwhile, you'll be cleaning up his dinner mess.)

Daddy will stop putting together the toy train that goes around the Christmas tree long enough to notice that Luke has spilled yogurt on the carpet and on the side of the couch (and, of course, on his clothes).

You'll take off Luke's clothes and let him play while you proceed to clean the carpet and the couch.

Then you'll go back into the kitchen to put away the cleaning supplies, and you'll realize you smell something funny.  You'll look up and see Luke holding his diaper.  Then you'll realize what you're smelling.

You'll scream and call out "Apprehend him!  He's got poop!" (Yep, you'll actually tell your husband to "apprehend" your child.)  You'll run to get the wipes and a new diaper.

You'll realize you're still doing laundry, see a bathing suit that you recenly pulled from the bag you didn't completely unpack on your last trip to the lake, think, "We won't need this for a while," and put it on Luke while Daddy looks for errant poop that has fallen from the diaper (paranoia much?).

Luke will be so tired of changing clothes and having all his fun spoiled that he will start to cry in utter exhuastion.

And chances are, if Luke cries out in utter exhuastion. you will realize, as you should have done hours earlier (duh!), that he'll need a bath.


(Welcome to an evening at our house!)